My mind cant hold anymore stress

I really feel like Im going crazy, theres so much going on and I know GOD doesnt put more on you then you can handle but damn. Im greatful for life,because some people didnt get up this morning but deep inside Im thinking they were the lucky ones because life is truly a bitch and then you die. You try to do the right thing and try not to fuck anyone over but you always end up getting fucked over in the end.I dont know how to be a mean and evil person, a bitch yeah sometimes but I've noticed that people respect the chick that is a total bitch all the time and even when Im a bitch to an ex or whom ever I actually get respect in return but the thing is its not in me to be this way all the time because Im to nice.People always tell me "girl your too nice" and I dont even take that as a compliment anymore because I now belive that good guys dont always finish last they get played by the people that dont give a fuck. The reason why Im ranting is because I put up with alot of shit from my husband and I made alot of excuses for him over the three years we've been together even after he put his hands on me, after he called the cops on me, after he threw all my shit out of our home, but those are very little things compared to some others like not being there the whole two weeks I was in the hospital doing whatever I could to save OUR childs life and even after the tragedy, he still wasnt there, not at the funeral, he didnt even co operate with the funeral director, and my stupid in-laws never called or sent a email or anything. Even with my surgery, I begged dude to be there and he said no.Now he's in a fucked up situation and here comes my dumb ass trying to be there for him.