Lonely nights read: Dark Eros

Oh amazon you havent failed me yet. Yesterday I was standing outside thinking about some bullshit assignment my therapist gave me about writing out my feelings when I thought back on how I used to copy poetry from this book called "dark eros" and post it to my black planet page. I loved that book but someone stole that shit so this morning I found it on amazon for 2 bucks. Im excited

When Med's Dont Work

I've been on edge lately.I've been smoking alot more, Idk everything gets me all upset even little things. Im just a cranky bitch all off a sudden,maybe it's my meds. I thought it was suppose to do the opposite and not turn me into an asshole for no reason.I'm tempted to quit but I cant for some reason, no Im not addicted, it's just hard for me to turn my back on something I started but sometimes I wonder if this is what I want, I mean I asked for the help.Shit coloring is working out better then the pills.wtf?

Cute!

I cant remember what site I saw this on but I wanna buy it,I even like the shoes but I would probably rock a different pair but that just me.

Been curious to see this

Better then the Black eye pea's version

Spring blues

Yesterday when I got home from seeing my therapist,I was ambushed by my mom and my sister, basically it's getting hard financialy(no shit) and me not working is making it harder for everyone.Now keep in mind that I've been job hunting since like forever,I dont like being unemployed. I have bills that just keep piling up, my closed it suffering and Im trying everything I can not to have to ask my mom for a couple of dollars to put gas in my car. I felt like I was being kicked further,I already feel like shit.My sister who makes 3 times more then my mom of course had to put her two cents in and she doesnt pay for shit, she says she grocery shops but the fridge is bare? hmmm. So I got all emotional outta nowhere, whining like a little bitch about how frustrated I am, seriously I was contemplating checking myself into the hospital because I feel like im losing it sometimes,but I figured everybody has there days.My meds arent working and I want to quit them but Im worried that all my progress will just go down the drain.So Im still on the job hunt,Hopefully something comes along because I cant be broke during the summer, I refuse.

Buggs Warhol!

New Beyonce Vid

Video Provided by DatPiff.com

New addition to family

So with the help of my sis I was finally able to pick up my pug. Im gonna post pics he's the cutest.Finally Im getting my mind right, studying and trying to move on from all the crazy shit from the past.

New Ink

I got this done yesterday.Cute?

?

I need to actually type some shit instead of posting vids.

Random Shit

I suck at rolling. What's this? youtube has blunt rolling instruction videos? Am I the only idiot watching this shit? I'm just saying.

wtf?

Video Provided by DatPiff.com

Back to reality

I've been living in a dream world the past odd months and going to my little brothers high school graduation woke me up just a little. I realize that I am getting older alot quicker then when I was in middle school and wishing to be 18 so I could move the hell outta my moms house and making and breaking my own rules. When 18 came around I moved out but a year later I had dropped out of college and was living with a crappy boyfriend.Now at 25 and will soon be 26 this summer I realized that I ha vent really don't anything,my future was looking pretty bleak,I had all these dreams and aspirations but I wasn't doing anything with them, it bothered me and I felt like a disappointment not only to my family but to myself.I come from a family of hard working African immigrants who came to this country not really by choice (there was a civil war so they had the get the fuck outta there)but they decided while here to install the working mentally on us kids.I feel like I blew it, I had so many opportunities and falling in love ( or lust) had my heads in the clouds. I got married, got separated and lost the most precious person in my life, my daughter.I'm tired of feeling shitty I want to finally do something with myself so I decided to go back to school for broadcasting, which was my dream when I was a little kid, I got sidetracked in high school and figured I should go into design,well I suck at drawing somewhat and I took a graphic design class in high school and failed miserably, I just couldn't get photoshop.So why the hell did I go to an art college to study graphic design? beats the shit outta me. Honestly I thought it was my calling and while I do love art and design, It wasn't the career for me so I drop out and go to fashion design school to be a fashion marketer,I loved my classes and met some real cool people but yet and still it didn't work out. Come this fall when I go back to school, I'm going in feeling like this is going to work, it better because I don't want to be 30 with no clue.

Is this for real?

This made me laugh today

I know its a little corny but it made me laugh today.Plus I have a crush on kid cudi and vashtie is cute too.

Summer Wears

These are just somethings I found that I really liked.Im trying to stay away from jeans this summer, can I achieve this? idk, but its worth a try and one day I can tell someone I quited jeans cold turkey for a summer, good convo starter.

So Excited

I dont care if it's geeky or whatever but I've always loved the sims.Me and my sister take the sim's seriously, I was hurt when our sims 2 game was erased but as soon as june 2nd come around I will be getting the 3rd, ya digg!?!

Asslessness

I come from a family of big asses(at least the females on my moms side)and Im not talking about the video girls asses I mean the African asses, the ass I was not blessed with but my sister and cousins were :(. For years I was reminded that I had ass problems from family members and ex boyfriends, my jewish husband has more ass then me.So like a lame I googled "secrets of the big ass" and ended up with this hear video,I should cut my losses and just stick to my squats but I dont want a muscular ass, thats just gross.

I dont even want a pinky ass

pinky shanking her bubble booty
by Aly-Al22

I just want a little more jiggle when I wear a bathing suit, my ass isnt caving in but still a little extra would be nice.

Tumblr

I started another blog on timblr, havent really put any intrest in it I was just curious.

My mind cant hold anymore stress

I really feel like Im going crazy, theres so much going on and I know GOD doesnt put more on you then you can handle but damn. Im greatful for life,because some people didnt get up this morning but deep inside Im thinking they were the lucky ones because life is truly a bitch and then you die. You try to do the right thing and try not to fuck anyone over but you always end up getting fucked over in the end.I dont know how to be a mean and evil person, a bitch yeah sometimes but I've noticed that people respect the chick that is a total bitch all the time and even when Im a bitch to an ex or whom ever I actually get respect in return but the thing is its not in me to be this way all the time because Im to nice.People always tell me "girl your too nice" and I dont even take that as a compliment anymore because I now belive that good guys dont always finish last they get played by the people that dont give a fuck. The reason why Im ranting is because I put up with alot of shit from my husband and I made alot of excuses for him over the three years we've been together even after he put his hands on me, after he called the cops on me, after he threw all my shit out of our home, but those are very little things compared to some others like not being there the whole two weeks I was in the hospital doing whatever I could to save OUR childs life and even after the tragedy, he still wasnt there, not at the funeral, he didnt even co operate with the funeral director, and my stupid in-laws never called or sent a email or anything. Even with my surgery, I begged dude to be there and he said no.Now he's in a fucked up situation and here comes my dumb ass trying to be there for him.

Summer makes me horny!

All this damn heat is getting to me.Chicks in barely there coochie cutters, guys with the wife beaters on with the triceps and biceps all out.Last night I downloaded lip service on shade 45 onto my ipod and Trey Songz was on there, it took everything in me not to put my hands in my panties. Love you Trey!

wow!

Yuuup!

Trey Songs is so damn sexy! Thats all I had to say:)

Honey is back?

Oh my goodness! I feel so late, I just found out that Honey Magazine was back. Im excited I used to love Honey, I remember my first issue was the one with lil'kim on the cover with a long-ass weave and a guitar. They did a piece on my favorite rapper Nikki Minaj!

My Monday Morning

Mothers Day was harder then I thought, within the few minutes that I woke up I started to cry because my sister told me happy mothers day.Then the group therapy I used to attend sent me a email, some poem about how Mothers day still mattered to the mothers how lost children, It was nice but still depressing.I still feel real crappy.I have family over right now but dont feel like being social, wtf is wrong with me?

Need these in my closet

Raise your hand if you want to see Rihanna's poon!

Im not gonna show it because I like rihanna but I am gonna show Chris Brown with a some panties on his head, haha!

Drake's performance in Atlanta

Studio43 Films Presents: DRAKE from KENNY BURNS on Vimeo.

I remember while I was living in Orlando Degrassi was my shit,and when I was high I would turn to the N and there it was always on.Its so weird seeing drake the rapper when Im used to seeing jimmy brooks.

Everybody wants to be Kelis and N*E*R*D with a sprinkle of t-boz

You be the judge,but honestly doesnt this sound like some shit kelis would do?like back on her 1st and 2nd album.

Things that are bothering me today !

Cassie, well cassies hair.At first I was like ok she's tryna switch it on us with the rocker chick look but kelis already did this style like two years ago.Im not hating, Im just saying.

WTF?

I stole this pic from bossip. I usually see dudes in heels out here in Greensboro but something about this guy, he's speacial! he's sasha fierce! more so then beyonce if you ask me.Her name is miss fifi or some shit.

LiL Kim "Download"

I love lil kim, Im one of her biggest fans but Im not feeling this song at all, I figured it might grow on me but I doubt it, Im still gonna get her new album to support her hopefully it has way better songs. Her face also scares me, she used to be so cute, now she's Michael Jackson scary.

I want to be a Suicide Girl

I was surfing the interweb the other day and came across the suicide girls site, I think I could do it,I have big boobs and tats.Whats good?!

I attract lames! Heres the lame of the month

I was writing in my diary (or journal for the grown asses) I was writing all the things I realized about myself for therapy and I discovered like so many other women out there every so call boyfriend or guy I evered kicked it with was a lame. Now Im not gonna name names because I wont do that Im not super head or whatever that bitches name is Im just gonna say he's a resident of orlando,fl and he tried to play me after I took time off from work to go see him. I really used to like this dude and when I was living in orlando we kicked it or whatever, we never fucked, we wanted to but we never did and the last time we meet up for my birthday he was acting scared or some shit, now im not a vain person so Im not gonna sit up here and say Im the most beautiful woman in the world and he should have been falling to my feet, Im just gonna say I wasnt happy and he didnt give a fuck. Ok Im ending this Im trying to let go of the past and this is my way of doing it,by posting his lame-ass pic up.